


“You work for me. You are my slave.”

by S_Horne



Series: Tumblr Prompts [11]
Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Kid Fic, M/M, literally pointless
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-26
Updated: 2018-03-26
Packaged: 2019-04-08 12:21:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14105271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_Horne/pseuds/S_Horne
Summary: “He does it on purpose! He has a radar or something for it.” Stiles’ mouth dropped open and he slammed his mug down behind him. “Oh, my God!” He cried, looking at Derek with a weird mix of horror and pride on his face. “It’s a secret power! Our son has mutant powers.”





	“You work for me. You are my slave.”

**Author's Note:**

> A dialogue prompt from a list found on tumblr made by prompt-bank

“He does it on purpose!” There was no response to his loud exclamation and Stiles huffed before he shouted again to get his husband’s attention. “Oi! Are you even listening to me?”

Derek sighed and finally replied to his husband, not looking up at him as he spoke, but focusing on the newspaper in his grasp. “He does not do anything on purpose,” he disagreed.

“He does!” Stiles insisted. “Derek, I’m telling you; he does!”

Derek put his newspaper down on the kitchen table when it became clear that Stiles was not going to let this go and looked up at his husband with a sigh. “Stiles,” he started, looking straight at the other man leaning against the counter, “Richie does  _not_  do it on purpose. Of that, I can promise you.”

“He does! He has a radar or something for it.” Stiles’ mouth dropped open and he slammed his mug down behind him. “Oh, my God!” He cried, looking at Derek with a weird mix of horror and pride on his face. “It’s a secret power! Our son has mutant powers.”

“You’re insane,” Derek muttered, his eyes lifting skywards as he shook his head. He looked back to Stiles and held his gaze as he spoke loudly and clearly. “I’m not having this conversation. Not again, Stiles, I swear.”

“Derek! Derek, listen to me!”

“I am listening to you,” Derek said patiently, “I always listen to you, but you sound completely crazy. Listen to what you are saying, you idiot. Our four month old son does  _not_  have a secret power, no matter how many times you try and convince me otherwise.”

“No?” Stiles questioned obstinately. “Then how do you explain it?"

"He's a baby."

"Every time, Der! Every single time that I try to kiss you, he cries. Whenever I get within a foot of you he poops or he cries again or he wants cuddles.”

“You can’t fault him for that,” Derek said with a shrug, “You always want cuddles, too, and why wouldn’t he want them?”

“Well, obviously,” Stiles conceded, “Of course I want cuddles, who doesn't want cuddles? But every time I get near you? I mean,  _every time?_ ”

“That’s just what babies do.” Derek’s voice was patient even as he rolled his eyes. “They cry and they need changing all the time. You knew what you were getting in for when you signed up for parenthood.”

“And I love my little man! But I also love my husband and I need a little bit of adult time every now and again. I am so close to just dropping him at Dad's and kidnapping you for a month or two.”

Derek huffed a laugh at Stiles’ pout. “You wouldn't last a day away from him and you know it," he said fondly, “Richie is the best thing either of us has.”

"I still want to give it a go," Stiles muttered, “We could rent a hotel room and, well. That was it, really. Me, you, a hotel room, and no kid.”

"Richie loves you, Stiles,” Derek said placating after another little chuckle. “That’s why he wants you to hug him all the time. Whenever he sees you hugging me, he just gets a little jealous and wants a bit of love too.”

“But it’s not just when he sees it! It’s every single time I get close to you. He can be asleep upstairs and I’m finally about to get me some Derek-lovin’ and bam! Richie is awake and crying.”

“That’s what babies do!” Derek was so patient all the time, even when Stiles was running on zero sleep and coming up with ridiculous conspiracy theories about the mutant powers of his infant son. Stiles felt a little warmth flow through him at his beautifully sweet husband, but he pushed it away in favour of further denial and shook his head.

“Nope,” he insisted. “He knows that he is the man of the house. He knows, Derek, he _knows._ Rich knows that we will bow down to him without question anytime that he needs us. It’s almost like he laughs every time that we have to change him or bathe him. ‘You work for me. You’re my slave,’ is what he says to himself, is what he thinks when he cockblocks me. Or when he pees on my favourite shirt.”

Derek let out another booming laugh and stood up from his chair to cross the room. He wrapped his arms around his husband when he reached him and smiled fondly, with only a very small hint of exasperation on his face. “You’re ridiculous.”

Stiles returned the hug, but turned his head away when Derek leant in and buried his face into Derek’s shoulder. “Don’t kiss me.” Derek made a questioning noise and Stiles lifted his head to explain, a pout playing on his lips. “I just want to enjoy your hug for a moment without an interruption and you kissing me is going to tempt fate. And by fate, I mean Richard and his need for cuddles.”

Derek rolled his eyes at Stiles and laughed at his stupidity. He leant down for a kiss regardless of his husband’s protests, but Stiles lifted his hands and tried to cover his mouth from Derek’s searching lips, laughing as he dodged and dived from his husband. Derek grabbed Stiles’ wrists after a minute and pulled them away from Stiles’ face, holding them securely as he finally closed the gap between them and caught Stiles’ lips passionately. The kiss had only just begun, Stiles had parted his lips and was about to poke his tongue out to sweep it over Derek’s bottom lip to taste his husband, when a cry cut through the air.

Stiles groaned as he pulled away from Derek’s embrace and let his head fall forward onto the other man’s shoulder.

“Nope,” he muttered. “Nope, I’m not gonna go. Babies have to learn to self-soothe according to all the books I ever read and I just really, really want to kiss my husband.” Stiles lifted his head once more and took Derek’s face, pulling the man closer again.

“That’s not his ‘I actually need something’ cry,” Derek murmured, slipping his arms around Stiles’ waist once more and pulling him closer, “That’s his ‘I woke up and want my daddy’ cry. We're good.”

“Mm,” Stiles moaned as Derek began to kiss down his neck. “Damn right we're good. Yeah, you’re right. Definitely got a minute or two whilst he settles himself back down.” He shifted his head and was about to re-connect their lips when another cry was heard, this time louder and longer. Stiles pulled back and sighed. “Dammit,” he cursed, “That one is his real cry.”

Stiles patted Derek on the chest as he pulled fully away and turned to leave the kitchen, heading for the stairs.

“I thought babies need to self-soothe?” Derek called out as he watched Stiles head for their son, the grin all too evident in his voice.

“…Shuttup.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> Come say hi! [(Please)](http://s-horne.tumblr.com/)


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